I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
