at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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