Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
