well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
