The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
