she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
