If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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