i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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