Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
