I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just forgot I was standing up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
