He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize