We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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