And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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