I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
