He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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