Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
