Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
