Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
