Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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