wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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