so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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