You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
why do cheetos always look like penises
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
