This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
