so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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