I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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