um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
