it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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