thus making me awesome and them whores
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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