I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
