No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
