I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
