So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
