I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
