So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
