His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
