i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
