I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
