i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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