So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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