like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize