Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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