I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
