Little spoons don't ask big questions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
