I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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