3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
vagina is talking i cant
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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