Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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