I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
