i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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