Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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