Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
