I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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