just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
