She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
