I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
