she looked like the before picture.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
