Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
