Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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