Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
