I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
