just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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