Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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