Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
