i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
