I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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