I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
