also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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