evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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