Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
