remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
