You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
