dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is Oprah even human
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
