Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
