I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
