I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
