id be glad to
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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