it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize