I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does one acquire holy water?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
