like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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