dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
