idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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