I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
