Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
