I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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